Gold, Not God
by Trissy-Ri
Summary: After Johnny dies in the hospital, Ponyboy isn't sure if he can stay the way he once was as Johnny asked him. Soda, however, isn't having it and acts as a big brother should. When a certain Greaser starts opening old wounds for Pony, can Soda maintain his role as glue to hold his little brother together, or will the wearing and tearing soon result to nothing but tatters? (Slash)
1. Chapter 1

**Gold, Not God by Trissy-Ri**

**An Outsiders Fanfic**

_**The Outsiders**_** is written and owned by S.E. Hinton; I just write what goes down in my mind. Enjoy!**

**Chapter One**

"Promise me one thing—"

"Johnny, stop it—"

"Promise me…promise me you'll stay the way you are—"

"Johnny shut up. _Shut up_, don't talk like that—"

"You've got to, Pony."

The room, like a cup, fills to the brim with a heavy silence, the heart monitor beeping feebly. "Pony," Johnny clears his throat, finds a spot on the wall to not really stare at with glassy eyes. "Death is a part of life. Y'know…I heard that your life flashes before your eyes and crap like that, and I don't think you can really do anything about it. I mean havin' to see your entire life again—like _living_ all over again—while you're dying," Johnny stops to laugh wryly. "It's pretty funny when you just think about it for a while."

I don't say anything and just look at him. He's all paling skin and protruding bones, a carcass puppet hung by the wires of life support. "Don't just look at me, damn it, say somethin'! I don't wanna die, Pony. I don't wanna leave you guys behind! Who in their right mind would—"

"Johnny, calm down—"

"I mean, why do I deserve this? I know I'm not that good of a kid, but still—"

"Come on, man—"

"Pony…Pony I'm scared. I can feel it. I can feel myself slippin' away at night when I'm supposed to be sleepin'. And I think the only reason I wake up is 'cause I've kept myself up worryin'. Many people think going in your sleep is a sound way to go, but to me it's always been scary. Your dreams turn into nothin' and you don't even realize it."

I'd never thought of it that way. "Johnny, you're gonna be okay. I promise."

He sort of scoffs, it turning into a sour chuckle. "So you can promise I'll live but not that you'll stay the same. You're not God, Pony. You're one letter away. G-o-_L_-d. You're not God, you're just gold."

* * *

And I wasn't and am not God. There was a call in the middle of the night, one that made Darry wake the entire house up—me, Soda, Dally and Two-Bit. "DAMN IT." Darry had slammed the phone down, nearly punched a hole clean through the wall.

"What—I didn't do it…" Two-Bit stirred in the arm chair groggily, and my head nearly collided with the coffee table as I sat up.

"What's the matter, Darry? Why you wakin' everyone up?" Soda yawned on the couch.

Darry didn't say anything at first, biting his lip and rubbing his hands down his face. His eyes caught mine and he sighed. "I—they—"He sighs again. "It was the hospital, and—they said…Johnny…" his voice cracked. He paced back and forth before stopping and staring out the window.

"Darry what you pokin' at now, man, come on—"

"DAMN IT; TWO-BIT ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHIN'? JOHHNY IS _GONE_ FOR GOODNESS SAKE."

His voice shook the window panes of the living room, reverberated against everything on my insides. "What?" I barely said above a whisper. Soda looked back at me, and Two-Bit seemed to have woken up more, staring into his lap. Darry kept looking out of the window shaking his head and biting his lip.

"Darry…" I stood up and Soda grabbed at my arm.

"Ponyboy, hold on—"

"Darry, please tell me I'm still asleep," I shook Soda's hand off and stepped towards Darry who still wouldn't turn his head. "Darry, please…"

"Look, just stay calm," Soda said, "We all need to just go over to the hospital and—"

"And do what, Soda? Pick up dead flowers off the nightstand? Goin' over there ain't gonna do nothin' but hurt! Goin' over there ain't gonna do nothin', ain't gonna bring no one back!" Darry finally snapped, turning his head. Soda jumped and I stepped back. "Look, Pony, I'm sorry. We all loved Johnny like a brother, but he's gone." The words, they did something to me, cut but didn't sink in like knives usually do.

"Look, Darry, there's no need to be harsh to the boy," Two-Bit said. "Pony, it's gonna be okay."

I felt like I was going to be sick. _Just promise me you'll stay the way you are. _"No…" _Pony, I'm scared. _

"Ponyboy," Darry started.

"No…no…" I backed into the couch and Soda reached for me. "Don't you freakin' touch me. Just—no. Don't—why—I—" My eyes started burning and everything and everyone became blurry. "He can't leave me behind like that! I can't be here—I—" I could feel the tears trekking down my face, leaving a hot and itchy trail.

"Pony, don't now, come on," Darry reached for me, but I pushed pass him, darting up the stairs. I slammed the bedroom door behind me and locked it, collapsed on the bed and tried my best to disappear.

_Promise me you'll stay the way you are._

_You've got to, Pony._


	2. Chapter 2

**Gold, Not God by Trissy-Ri**

**An Outsiders Fanfic**

_**The Outsiders**_** is written and owned by S.E. Hinton; I just write what goes down in my mind. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Two**

It's been a week, but it feels like I've been in bed for an eternity. A knock comes at the door, and after I say nothing, Soda comes striding in. "Hey, Pony," I can hear the cautious smile in his voice. Usually this would comfort me, but now it just feels like he is tipping around me like I'm a ticking time bomb. I don't say anything, watching the wall. I feel the mattress dip by my feet and Soda sighs.

"Pony, you can't just lie in bed for the rest of your life. You gotta get up. You can't just waste away."

"Soda, can't you just leave me alone? Please?" I whine.

"No, no I can't. I've done that for the past week and it ain't did a thing but make you become a few days shy of being a damn zombie in this room. Now come on," Soda slaps my leg and I draw it away. "Get up, take a shower 'fore I hurt you, and we're gonna go out and do somethin'. Just me and you, baby."

"Soda, I appreciate it, I really do, but I just need to be left alone for now," I say. It's quiet a moment before I feel Soda pulling my arm. I'm yanked up right smack into his side and he's got me in a headlock. "Come on, Soda Pop, cut it out! I mean it! I'm not for it! Darry! Darry, come get Soda 'fore I hurt'em!"

"He's out and you're going to be, too, now come on!" Soda drags me up with effort as I struggle, and leads me, still in a grip, to the bathroom. He twists the shower knobs on and pushes me towards the spray, dashing for the door and slamming it. I chase after him and push on the door, but it doesn't budge.

"Soda, cut it out now, I'm serious! I'm tired and just wanna lie down! Get off the door!" I jiggle the handle. I can feel the weight of him on the other side.

"Not until you're clean! You should be tired of moping in the bed! For goodness sake, you left your damn imprint in the mattress, Pony!" Soda laughs and I can't help but feel my lips tug up a bit in a halfhearted smile.

I sigh, defeated, and press my forehead against the door. "If I take a shower, can I come out?"

Soda is silent then says, "Yeah. And I mean it! None of that wettin' your hands and runnin' them through your hair and up your arms crap. I know all the tricks, boy!"

"Okay, okay!" I submit. I move off the door and peel my clothes off. It feels like I'm taking off a second layer of skin and washing it off as I step into the shower. "Alright, I'm in! Can you at least bring me a towel?" I call out.

Soda laughs, "Alright, Pony! And try and hurry up!"

* * *

I feel like something new when I step outta the shower. I run my towel through my hair then wrap it around my waist, moving on to brush my teeth. When I step out of the bathroom, Soda is already tossing a t-shirt, boxers and jeans at me, smiling. "And he emerges: Pony the Boy Wonder. I knew you were still there beneath all that dirt."

"Knock it off," I say. Soda turns his back to me, and I slip on my pants. I step around him, snatching a comb off the dresser and raking it through my hair.

"Sorry, Pony, just tryin' to lighten you up," he apologizes. He flops on the bed and watches me as I run grease through my hair. I turn and stare at him.

"What? Is there somethin' on me?" I ask tugging at my shirt and rubbing at my face.

"More like looming over ya'. Look, Pony, I know life's been sorta' a train wreck and everything, but you gotta push on. Things can only—"

"Get better if I let it," I finish sighing and throwing my comb down. "I know, Soda. It's just—" I can't find the words in the midst of all the thoughts bumping around my head and settle it all by groaning. "I don't know. It's just a lot, y'know?"

Soda nods his head, but I can see he doesn't get it. So I say, "Johnny just meant a lot to me, y'know? I mean—gee, Soda, I—I loved him, and it doesn't feel right waking up and knowing he's just not at home or still at the hospital and—"

"We all loved Johnny like one of our own, Pony, I get you fine," Soda consoles as he stands up and pulls me into him as I start to rub at my eyes, refusing to cry. "Things'll get better, you'll see. It'll stop hurtin' soon."

But he didn't see what I saw already. I see myself soon forgetting how Johnny sounds, what he used to say and laugh at, see myself forgetting how he looks. And that all scares me 'cause what if I want to tell my own kids someday about my best friend, the one who died a hurting hero? I'll be telling a story with an empty character and I just don't want that. "You hear me, Ponyboy?" Soda shakes me and I jolt, stepping from him.

"Huh?" I ask dazed.

"I said are you ready to head out? You just need some fresh air in ya'! How about going to see a movie? Ya' know the two o'clock showings are cheaper and we might be able to catch another later on with the rest of the gang."

I shrug and Soda smiles widely, smacking me on the back. "Come on! I'll even let ya' drive! But don't tell Darry." He winks and I smile, trailing behind him as he all but bounced out of the room.

* * *

We picked the theatre versus the drive-in, deciding on some movie that looked like it had a bunch of cursing and explosions or "distractions" as Soda put it. "It'll be like an intense cleansing of the mind. All you need is some good ole boy time!" He beats his chest like a gorilla and laughs as I shove him.

"People are starin' at us, Soda," I say.

Soda shrugs, "At least they know we're alive—"He stops and his eyes dart to me. "Pony, my bad—"He didn't mean it. I let it roll down my back and smooth things over by saying, "Can I get some popcorn or somethin'?" Soda stares at me before nodding and fishing some money out of his pockets. "I'll go and, uh, find us some seats." I nod and we part. But as I turn around to head to the snack bar I stop dead in my tracks. "Damn it…" I mutter. My chest feels like I've swallowed a gallon of ice water and my heart thumps hard against my chest, making my throat vibrate.

"Yeah, and don't put too much salt on it, 'kay, Sweetheart?" Leaning over the snack counter with a cocky smile as the counter girl worked was none other than Steve Randle. As if he sensed me behind him, he turns, quirking a dark eyebrow and smiling impishly. "Hold the popcorn, Sweetheart, I see a _friend_…" he drawls holding a finger up to the counter girl.

I swallow and start turning around, but Steve is quick, catching up to me and clamping a hand down on my shoulder, spinning me around to face him. "Aw, come on, Ponyboy, don't be that way! I haven't seen you in a while!" he grins sardonically, squeezing my shoulder. "How ya' been holding up since…well…y'know?" He twists his mouth to the side and shrugs in the place of "since Johnny died". I want to push him away, punch his lights out, but I just shake my head.

"I have my days," I say flatly. He nods like he understands and moves his hand to ruffle my hair.

"Things'll get better, Ponyboy—"

I knock his hand away, "Don't…do that."

He sorta' jumps before narrowing his eyes into dark slits. "Um, guy…" the counter girl calls over to Steve and he holds his hand up, eyes still on me. "Now, now, Pony, no need to be so hostile. I know life's been hard—"

"You don't know shit, Steve. Just leave me alone. Can you get whatever it is you ordered so I can get in line? Soda's probably wondering where I'm at," I bite.

"Oh, here with the 'big brother' huh?" Steve chuckles wryly. He sucks his teeth and jams his hands into the pocket of his jeans, shaking his head, "Really, Pony, after all I did for you and ole Johnny…" he trails off his eyes slowly scanning the lobby before falling back on me, a low glower in his eyes. "You'd think you'd be a little nicer towards me…you'd think _I_ was the one who left Johnny in the damned church—"

"Don't you even—"

"Don't he even what?"

I follow Steve's eyes as they dart to someone behind me. I turn and Soda's there looking between Steve and I warily. The look on Steve's face softens and he plasters on a fake smile, pushing pass me and playfully punching Soda in the arm. "Sodapop, my boy, Pont told me you were in there!"

Soda smirks and slaps Steve on the back, "Yeah, I thought he'd forgotten about me in there. What's keepin' you so long, Pony? The credits are almost done rollin'."

I throw a glare at Steve before saying, "I bumped into Steve…" Steve watches me as I continue, "we were just catchin' up. He was seeing how I was doing and stuff, y'know…Sorry, Soda." I stare at my feet, my cheeks burning with anger and embarrassment. I don't have to look up to know Steve is smiling.

"Aw, that's alright, Pony," Soda says nudging me. "Just go get whatever you were gonna get and come on. I ain't good at catching people up on movie stories. Hey, Steve, wanna join us?"

I snap my head up. Steve is nodding, "Sure! I was gonna catch it anyway before I knew you two were here. L'emme just get my popcorn."

Soda nods, "Alright, I got seats on the fifth row."

Steve nods as he goes back to the counter. I bite down on my jaw as I go up to the counter, ordering a coke and popcorn. "Nice save back there, Pony," Steve says. He smirks and bumps his shoulder with mine as he leaves the counter. "I mean…it's a little late for saving, but, hey: better late than never, huh?" He laughs and walks away, and by now I'm fuming. The girl behind the counter is looking at me concerned and asks if I'm okay as she hands me my change.

"As I'll ever be," I say.


	3. Chapter 3

**Gold, Not God by Trissy-Ri**

**An Outsiders Fanfic**

_**The Outsiders**_** is written and owned by S.E. Hinton; I just write what goes down in my mind. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Three**

_Darry was out with Soda that night, so Johnny and I decided to just hang around the house, playing cards, watching TV, doing what we do. "What time is it, Pony?" Johnny asked, shuffling the deck of cards. I leaned back in my chair to get a good look at the clock on the wall, tipping back forward. "Close to ten; why?" I took the deck from him and began to deal. _

"_My ole man told me to be back in by eleven. You know how he gets…" Johnny trailed off, lazily picking up his cards. _

_I sorta' slapped the deck in between us, putting my hand of cards in front of the sneer threatening to twitch its way onto my face. I sighed, "Jonny, you're sixteen and your ole man still treats you like you're five."_

"_It's not age he's lookin' at, Pony, and you know that. Five or sixteen, I've always been crap in his eyes, so let's just drop it and pay attention to the clock."_

_I stared at him and his looked down on the table, dealing his first card. And we played like that until about ten thirty-five, in silence and quick glances at the clock. When the time did come, Johnny stood up. "Well, I guess I'll see ya' tomorrow. Tell Darry and Soda I said g'night." I followed him to the front door._

"_Alright," I said. We stood there awkwardly 'til Johnny finally sighed. "They don't know nothin', Pony, I swear. We always hang out when they're not around—"_

"_But still," I said. _

_Johnny scoffed before smiling. "And I'm the jumpy one? Look," Johnny stepped back inside, closing the screen door a bit. "Look, Pony, you gotta stop worryin' about us, okay? I swear," he laughed, "I'm scared you're gonna crack one day and be the reason for the biggest thing you fear."_

_I smiled halfheartedly. It was infectious, and Johnny did the same, saying "I gotta' go, though. I'll be by probably tomorrow at noon if my ole man doesn't have me doing God knows what." He patted my shoulder and it lingered. I shifted from foot to foot but stopped when Johnny's grip tightened. Before I knew it, he leaned it and gave me a quick peck on the lips, and it actually made me jump back because, I mean, we'd only acknowledged that we felt something a little more than friendship. Something more platonic._

_Still with a look of shock on my face, Johnny smiled meekly before waving and jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "'Night, Pony." He backed out of the screen door and it smacked closed behind him. I stood there listening to his footsteps turn from creaks on the porch stairs to those on the gravel walkway. The gate door clinked shut and I ran one hand through my hair and one over my lips. I'm knocked out of my daze when I hear door shut upstairs and heavy footsteps._

_My throat tightened and my heart picked up extra beats as I dived over the back of the couch. I felt stupid as I shoved my hands beneath the couch's pillow and screwed my eyes shut, because whoever is coming down the stairs already heard everything is anything._

"_You might as well cut the crap, Pony; I ain't blind, deaf, or stupid."_

_It's—"Steve?" I shot up. He sat at the table, shuffling the cards but not paying attention to them 'cause his dark eyes were narrowed and on me. He had a sneer going on beneath a flared nose, and his hair was wound up in random curls that screamed bed head. He'd been here the whole time, and whereas the hair noted he may have been asleep, there was still no telling how long he'd been up. But by his face, it seemed to be long enough. _

"_In the flesh, Ponyboy," he said flat tone. _

_I slowly got off the couch and stood, rubbing the back of my neck. "I had no idea you were here. I thought you would've run into Darry and Soda out there."_

_Steve laughed wryly and put the deck of cards down. He looked to the door then back at me. "I just bet you did, kid."_

_I swallowed thickly. "Look, is there—is there anything you wanna say to me—"_

"_Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. And not only to you, but your little extension, too, you tag-along—"_

"_You mean 'Johnny'—"_

"_Or your boyfriend, right?"_

_My blood thickened and ran cold, and Steve smiled like a Cheshire with canary. I cleared my throat and rounded the couch to head for the stairs, but Steve jumped up and grabbed my arm. "Why you running, Pony? Come on, I'm Steve! You can talk to me about anything—"_

"_Yeah, sure, the 'tag along' can," I bit. My heart pounded against my eardrums like an angry fist. "Just let me go—"_

"_Or what? 'Cause to be quite honest I seem to have the upper hand in this situation," Steve snarled. He pulled me towards him and spun me around, pushing me to sit down at the kitchen table. "And, y'know, it'd be a shame if Darry found out about…well…y'know…" Steve raised his eyebrows._

_I looked at my hands in my lap, them shaking uncontrollably. "I don't know what you're going on about—"_

"_Oh, please, Pony! This ain't no TV sitcom, and I sure as hell wasn't sleep walking when I saw you and Johnny—"_

_The front door whipped open and Soda came striding in, a big smile spreading across his face when he saw Steve. It fell when he saw me in the chair, shaking like a dark haired leaf. "Ay, what's going on?" he asked. _

_Steve at first furrowed his brows until he looked at me, his mouth gaping open and closed like a fish. "About that…" he started slowly. He shot me a look out the corner of his eyes. I began to shake worse. I tried to send out a plea with my eyes, one that I guess he got 'cause he sighed and said, "Socs. Some Socs tried to rough him and Johnny up while y'all were out. They ain't really leave no scratches or nothing. Just a few shoves and curses. Damn brats," he spat. _

_All of my insides relaxed. Soda nodded, a look of worry knitting his eyebrows together. Darry came in soon after. "What's goin' on in here? An intervention?" He threw his keys onto the coffee table._

_Soda sighed and flopped on the couch, "Ah, nothing, Dare, just some stupid Socs tryin' to one up Johnny and Pony earlier. Nothin' serious."_

"_Yeah," Steve agreed. "Nothin' at all like that." He looked at me and I shifted uncomfortably. _

"_Ya' sure ya' good, Ponyboy? 'Cause I ain't administer a good ass whoopin' in a while," Darry punched the air and I smiled weakly, nodding._

"_Yeah, I'm good, Darry," I stood up. "I think I'm gonna head to bed, though. Sorta'…beat, y'know."_

_Darry nodded. "Well, okay. See ya' in the morning then."_

_Soda told me goodnight, too, flipping through TV channels. "You staying the night, Steve?"_

_I pushed pass them all, heading up the stairs. "Sure, why not. I mean, I've been sleep a good while, but y'all still look bright eyed and bushy tailed. How 'bout a few round of Spades?" I heard him say. I wanted to throw up._

* * *

_I was sure hours had passed, but I still couldn't sleep. I tried staring at the ceiling, reading a book, even counting sheep, but I couldn't sleep. I listened to Steve, Soda and Darry laughing while playing cards, and soon I heard nothing at all. It wasn't until I was jolted awake by a fierce shake to the shoulder did I know I'd fallen asleep. In the dark, I could make out the jaw of Steve, his face looming over and dangerously close to me. "What in the hell do you want—"_

"_Listen to me. Your secret is in my hand right now, so I suggest you listen to me and listen good. I saved your hide down there, so you could at least re-pay me," he said._

"_I don't owe you anything. You can tell for all I give a crap! Now move!"_

_He laughed darkly, "You and me know you don't mean that."_

"_Mean what? You needing to move or me not giving a damn?" I spat._

_Steve studied my face before saying, "Both." And with that, almost angrily, pressed his lips to mine. I began to hit him on side of the head, thrashing, until he pulled back, pinning me down. "Strike one—two more and you're out—no pun intended."_

_And like that, it began._


	4. Chapter 4

**Gold, Not God by Trissy-Ri**

**An Outsiders Fanfic**

_**The Outsiders**_** is written and owned by S.E. Hinton; I just write what goes down in my mind. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Four**

I can't focus on the movie. Steve is laughing at things that aren't even that funny which is making Soda join in just because Steve's laugh is more weird than infectious. I sink down in my seat and flick popcorn kernels from off my jeans.

"Gosh, Pony, I thought you liked movies!" Steve whispers, almost giggling. I shoot a glare at him in the dark, but I don't say anything. "Aw, lighten up!""

"Sh!" A girl behind us hisses at us, her friend looking equally put off.

"Aw, "sh" yourself, girlie," Steve waves a dismissive hand.

Soda nudges him, "Come on, Steve, not now." Steve rolls his eyes and shifts in his seat like a little kid. This is why I watch movies alone unless it's John—I can't breathe. I almost used present tense. I grip my popcorn bucket and sit up, wincing and trying to focus on all the action on the screen. It's all beginning to blur. My eyes are itching and I'm thinking _Not now, not now_. But crying ain't really a person you can go telling when to do what it does. So when the first tear pricks at the corner of my eye, I shoot up.

"Damn it," Steve jumps at my abrupt movement.

"Hey, Pony, where you off to?" Soda asks as I drop my popcorn bucket into my seat. I hastily step over the legs of the few people next to us.

"Bathroom," I say shortly.

"What, the movie makin' you sick or somethin'?" Steve jeers.

I don't look back and keep moving until I'm in the bathroom and leaning over the sink, trying not to hurl.

* * *

_I never knew how Johnny got his scars 'til one night when we sat on his front porch too long. We were passing a weed between the two of us, him talkin' about movies he heard were good, and me talkin' about books I'd read that I hoped to be movies someday._

_There was a crash from inside and whereas I jumped and looked back at the door waiting for something nasty to come reeling out of it, Johnny looked forward all calm like. "It ain't nothin', Ponyboy, just my folks. Pro'lly goin' at it again." Johnny took a long drag on the cigarette before he passed it back to me._

_My hands shook sorta' as another crash like glass against a wall sounded laced in a scream of a woman. "Shouldn't we do somethin'? Call the cops?" I started to get up, but Johnny stopped me. _

"_Look, Pony, if you go in there ain't no tellin' what my ole man might do to you. He don't discriminate hittin' someone when he's sober, he sure as hell don't mind deckin' someone else's kid when he's drunk, so just leave it, okay?" His eyes were darker and glassier, and I could almost see myself nodding unwillingly in them._

"_I hate you!"_

_I jumped and Johnny still sat still, fiddling with his fingers. "Is that—is that—"_

"_My mom? Yeah," he said absently. "She's pro'lly just as messed up as my dad."_

_I didn't wanna go poking my nose in other folks business, but I couldn't help it when I asked, "Well, what, you used to all this?"_

_For a minute Johnny just messed with his fingers, and I thought he'd not heard me, but then he looked up and met my eyes. "You don't ever really get used to it, Pony. I mean, you just know what to expect is all. But you never get used to the yellin' and the hittin' and, well—"_

"_Johnny, has your ole man ever hit you?" I asked before I realized. I don't know why, but something began to bubble inside of me, making me sick as Johnny's eyes fell to his lap. "Look, you ain't got to—"_

"_He doesn't mean it when he does." Johnny laughed bitterly almost. "I mean, I guess you can say in a sense I ask for it. I try and grow a spine at the wrong time and almost get it broken—"_

"_There ain't a damned thing wrong with stickin' up for yourself, Johnny," I said._

_He smiled weakly, "I know that, Pony. But—" He looked about to say something but just sighed._

"_We can talk about somethin' else," I said more like "let's" rather than a wary suggestion. But Johnny became like a faucet that night, but instead of crying he just talked about everything. About how knew there was more to life than Greasers and Socs, more than the neighborhood. That he'd get to see the rest of the country if not the world. And it was just a few more crashes, screams, and another loud thump before everything seemed to just lie still like the calm after a storm, as if the weight Johnny lifted off his chest had risen to be an umbrella to shield us from the pieces of the way his world seemed to be falling._

"_My world ain't falling, Ponyboy, don't think that about me. I know you and the other's think I'm weak, but I ain't. I may bruise easily, but I won't break. Especially with a friend like you around."_

* * *

"Hey? Hey!" A loud bang makes the door to the bathroom shake. "You ain't done flushed yourself down the toilet, huh?"

It's Soda. I sigh and turn the tap on, filling my hands with water and splashing my face. I snatch a paper towel of its roll and dab my face dry. "I'm—I'm fine, Soda. I'll be out in a second…"

"You don't sound fine," Soda responds.

"I am, I swear. Just—I think it was the popcorn. I think I ate it too fast or somethin'," I finish lamely. It's quiet on the other side of the door before Soda sighs.

"If you say so. Well, look, the movie is just about over, so me and Steve were thinkin' about headin' over to the DX to hang out for a bit. You want to tag a long?"

I wince at "tag a long". "Nah, I think I'm gonna head on home. I mean, I got this paper I've gotta write and stuff, and, yeah…" I trail off.

"Well, alright. Jus t know that's where I'm at if you need anything. If I don't make it home before Dare-Bear, let him know for me, alright?"

"Okay."

Soda taps on the door in leaved and I sigh. I grip the sink and it's not until I think he's a safe ways away do I let the tears fall.

* * *

**This chapter is hecka' short to me! My bad! But the next should be longer! (I'll update sometime Wednesday!)**

**Thanks for reading so far!**


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